i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
