he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
