It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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