Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
