Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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