the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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