I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
