thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
