Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
