i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
