She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I am midnight drunk by noon
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
