I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We have started to decorate penises.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
