is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
