We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
