i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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