We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
