and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
