Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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