She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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