no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
