hotel room ftw
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you didnt know i had herpes?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
