Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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