I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Dear god my vagina.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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