she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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