my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
