I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
