First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
