she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
