You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
