omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
