woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
