You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
