I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
