I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
