he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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