it hurts more in the daytime
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
