i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
