around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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