i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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