It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
