I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize