I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize