Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Two words: nipple clamps
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