In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
