Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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