Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
