dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
