Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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