that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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