He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
