I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
