listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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