well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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