I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
