I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
