my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
