My Higher Power is John Stamos
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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