You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I look better un-naked...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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