did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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