Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
