Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
