you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
