My hair reeks of homosexuality.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
This is the prime rib incident all over again
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
